Sometimes it’s just best to sit down in your favorite bar stool, couch, or lawn chair and enjoy a cold one (or a steamy hot mug) all by your lonesome. Honestly, it just is. The quiet and peacefulness of your solitude is just what you need to unwind, to digress, to think.
Life happens so fast. It’s amazing and insane. I really mean that too. Sometimes things come at you so fast that you can’t stop to think about your decision. You just know that one needs to be made and fast resulting in a hasty decision that may or may not (mostly not for me) be the best. Sometimes you don’t even get to make a decision. Things just… happen; leaving you regretting your indecisiveness, saddened by your helplessness, confused by the suddenness, or sometimes, just sometimes, they leave you breathless.
It’s when I have decisions to make like the ones I mentioned that I just want a quiet place to think and an ice cold drink. Some decisions are difficult no matter how much time you have. That’s part of the reason why I like to get up early in the morning. It’s quieter at that time before the rest of the house or apartment starts to creak and moan from the start of the day; before the rest of the office arrives; before the store opens. Just a cup of the gods’ nectar (read coffee) and the quiet of the morning can be so healing.
These recent mornings, as I casually sip my breakfast blend, I’ve been thinking of relationships. Isn’t that the number one topic on people’s minds when they’re moping about? Some of the highlights of my reflections include divorce, love, friendship, and career. I just finished reading a book titled “Being Anti-Social” by Leigh K. Cunningham. I felt like it was telling my future. Not in a sad way though. This book is actually about the misinterpretation of the term introvert. This isn’t a teen angst story. Mace Evans is actually 38 years old and divorced and widowed and she likes her wine. Mace is a classic introvert by very definition, but she’s labeled as anti-social by her family and close friends. She even admits to it herself in the first three pages. The book is about a lot of things, but in the end it’s about understanding and reconciling with yourself about what makes you happy and who you are. It isn’t a book for everyone. There’s no action or suspense or big romantic love story. It’s just a story of relationships and the complications associated. I’ll leave it to you to read the book for yourself.
I related to it a lot. Though, I am not divorced or widowed or 38 for that matter, I am a slight introvert. This makes dating difficult so relationships have been scarce. I haven’t been very lonely though. I love my job my friends, and my family. My friends are all a part of my family. Even my coworkers are like a second family. I’m surrounded all day every day by really great people and I enjoy their company immensely. I’ve been pretty blessed in that regard, but reading this book helped me recognize some things about myself and I’ve been reflecting on those realizations; marriage, family, kids, (Don’t get your hopes up mom) and the fact that I can be pretty selfish without realizing it.
On the flip side, I’ve also been thinking about a close family member who is going through a divorce. While so far the divorce itself isn’t messy, the reason behind it is. I think you could guess the reason without me having to give specifics. Whatever is the first reason that pops into your mind, you’re right. The news was a surprise at first. Then there was anger. It was crazy how fast it all happened and is still happening. As Eeyore says though, “The nicest thing about the rain is that it always stops. Eventually.”
When something life-changing like this happens, you always feel blind-sided. It takes a while to let the “realness” of it settle in. Sometimes it never really does. Those quiet moments are the hardest. You’re hurt, angry, and sad all over again. It’s so much emotion in just a few minutes. I like Bon Jovi’s These Days album- the entire album- for these kinds of quiet times. It’s great music and beautiful lyrics- some of the saddest I’ve ever heard. You can go through all 5 stages of grief listening to it. It’s sad and then soothing- Beautiful.
So in the quietness of your mornings or late nights, I ask you to stop and listen to the silence. Enjoy it for a little while. Then take some time to listen to yourself, your thoughts, and your heart. You never know what can happen in just a few minutes so when you get the chance to stop and think and reflect, then take it. I know that’s probably the opposite of everything you’ve heard before- “you only live once” and all that. I ask you then, what’s the point of doing all the things we do, of living with no regrets, if we don’t take the time to remember them, to learn from them, and to appreciate them?